I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
