so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
