so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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