I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
