my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
