i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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