so that wasnt chicken after all
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
