So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In other news, I just burned my penis
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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