VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
