OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
