I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
