And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
