We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
