There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
