dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
