Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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