Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
