i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had sex on a roof
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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