i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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