hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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