And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
