I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
