she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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