Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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