: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
