After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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