im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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