I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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