this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She told me I should be a condom model.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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