it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
