Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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