anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
