Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
