One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
