Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
