Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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