Where is the hickey?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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