He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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