Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
