Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
