hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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