My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
