A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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