So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
