Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
