We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
