; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
