remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
