The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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