Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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